Kim Kardashian has dedicated a lot of time and energy to processing her divorce from ex-husband Kanye “Ye” West.
In Thursday's episode of The Kardashians, the SKIMS founder had trouble holding back her tears as she opened up to sister Khloé Kardashian about her rapper ex-husband and his erratic behavior on social media.
"It sucks when someone doesn’t see how different they are," Kim, 42, said in a confessional. "I always will [keep looking for that person.] You'll always hope you’ll see a glimpse of them and I hope I do."
As she cried to Khloé, Kim revealed that Kanye's actions were taking a huge toll on her — both mentally and physically. "I literally haven't changed my outfit in two days. I just have to get it together, and I just can't," she sobbed.
"I feel so bad for him. I don’t even think he feels bad for himself because I don’t even think he knows how," Kim continued, telling Khloé she hadn't spoken to Kanye, 46, amid his antisemitic online attacks because "he'll probably go off on me."
She added, "Then I feel guilty that I posted something in support of the Jewish community, then people dropped him today. Then I'm like, 'Is that my fault that I posted that? Did that push them? Should I just have kept quiet?' But I'm vocal about everything else and I never know what to do."
In a confessional, Kim elaborated more about how torn she had been feeling over Kanye.
"It's really confusing for me. It's so different than the person that I married because that’s who I loved, and that’s who I remember ... I’ll do anything to get that person back," she said. "The whole situation is sad and I don’t know how to emotionally manage it."
The reality star noted it was especially difficult because they share four kids: North, 10, Saint, 7, Chicago, 5, and Psalm, 4.
"I'm conflicted because I don’t ever want to jump in and be a part of a downfall for the father of my kids," she said.
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Khloé, 39, reassured Kim that Kanye's actions were not her "fault," telling her sister, "He had so many opportunities to retract what he said and he would double down all the time."
"What you did has nothing to do with what's happening right now," Khloé insisted. "It's OK that you're crying, it's okay that you have feelings. You're such a good person, and that's why you feel like this and that's why your heart is breaking for him."
To cameras, the Good American founder also spoke about how "helpless" she felt watching Kim go through this.
"I’m heartbroken seeing Kim in so much pain," Khloé said in a confessional. "I wish I could do something. It's such a helpless feeling cause me watching Ye is like watching a car crash in slow motion. I feel terrible about everything."
She continued, "None of us share these antisemitic views. We think it's gravely irresponsible. We’re all very aware of the following Kanye has and how his words can be used to rile people up ... Kim feels all this pressure. I know there's so much mounting up and there’s only so much one person can take and Kim wants to protect her kids from everything — who doesn't? — [but] I want to protect her."
In a final confessional, Kim summed up the situation in four words: "It's really f---ing hard."
"I don’t wish that upon anybody," she said. "I'm never like a 'woe is me,' sad kind of person, but there's times that I get overwhelmed. There's so much to think about. I'm so angry but I'm also so sad."
"Your instinct wants to be like, 'Wow, I can never talk to this person again,' but then you think of your babies," she added. "And so I'm having a hard time figuring it out."
Kim and Kanye wed in 2014 but ultimately divorced in 2021 after a tumultuous period that saw the rapper posting erratic tweets, making troubling allegations against her mother and divulging deeply personal details about his family and marriage.
Some of Kanye’s troubling remarks were also directed at comedian Pete Davidson, whom Kim began dating in fall 2021. As the new couple's relationship deepened, Kanye hurled several attacks at the couple both online and in the press.
His harassment became so detrimental to Kim that she stated in a February 2022 court filing that it caused her "emotional distress." A judge then ruled Kim legally single on March 2 of that year.
Season 3 of The Kardashians has been giving fans an inside look at Kim dealing with the drama involving her ex-husband. In a previous episode, she spoke at length about the situation, noting how she had to be the bigger person for the sake of their four children.
"All of his shenanigans is gonna be far more damaging to the kids one day than my tape will ever be and I have to sit here and not say anything, ever, because I know one day my kids will appreciate that. And I know that is the best thing for them," she said. "And by the way, I'm the one where s--- could be going down and I get in the car, and every day, the kids want to blast dad's music and I’m like, 'He's the best!' I put it on and we're singing along, and inside I'm dying because I will be his biggest cheerleader to them forever, and one day, when they can see for themselves, I'll answer whatever they want me to. It's a lot."
She added, “The one that was supposed to protect me — and still does interviews saying he will be my forever protector — is the one that's hurting me the most.”
New episodes of The Kardashians drop Thursdays at 12 a.m. ET/9 p.m. PT on Hulu.
