Meri Brown is still having reservations over her decision to spend more time away from ex Kody Brown.
On Sunday’s episode of Sister Wives, the 52-year-old TLC star opened up to Robyn Brown about her decision to spend larger chunks of time at her Utah bed and breakfast, Lizzie’s Heritage Inn.
“It’s easier for me to be at the B&B and that scares me that I’m going to where it’s easy,” she shared in a confessional. “I think that’s what Kody has done for many years is just gone to where it’s easy and now look at our relationship. You know what I mean? Like, what’s it going to lead to?”
Meri then admitted to Robyn, 44, that she is struggling to handle all the changes in her life amid the ongoing family fallout. (At the time of filming, Meri’s split from Kody after 32 years of marriage has not been made official.)
“I just don’t like change and it’s scary,” Meri admitted as she broke down in tears. “And it’s just another with everything else that’s going on in the family. It just feels like yet another thing, but I also know that you’re the only one who cares about it, too.”
Robyn responded, “I do. I mean, as long as you’re really truly going to still be here.”
“I’m gonna have a house. I’m gonna have an address. I’m gonna be here,” Meri reassured her. “I’m gonna sleep there. I will just also be up there.”
But Robyn is still worried that Meri would fully move away from the family, sharing in a confessional, “She’s gonna just keep putting more pieces there of herself … that will eventually take her there all the way.”
Meri admitted that she found the change in life to be daunting as she worried about how Robyn and Koyd would react. “It’s scary to me because I know I have feared what you’re gonna think that it is, and I know what Kody [is going to think]. He’s just not gonna give a crap,” she said.
Robyn knew that Meri was “not just sitting around pining for Kody” with her decision to spend time away, adding, “It’s also about her integrity and it’s about her commitments and she’s a very devoted and loyal person when it comes to a commitment.”
After the conversation, Robyn realized it was time to let Meri stand on her own two feet.
“I don’t know what the future holds for her,” Robyn told the cameras. “I just am grateful she’s hanging on and I want her to continue to, but I feel selfish that this whole experience of being here and waiting to see if something can happen between her and Kody has got to be hard. I just want her to be happy.”
Meri also admitted she wanted her relationship with Kody to “work out,” adding, “I just really feel like that he is going to sometime realize that you know this is something that he committed to as well. And then we can work on moving forward and want him to work on this relationship with me. And also I don’t care anymore but I do care. I know what I really want.”
Sister Wives airs Sundays at 10 p.m. ET on TLC.
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