The actor says the response he got from family and a small circle of friends about his stage 3 colorectal cancer was overwhelming — in a wonderful way
James Van Der Beek is opening up about the outpouring of love and support he received when he first told his family and a small circle of friends about his colorectal cancer diagnosis.
“On August 31 of last year, I became one of the many millions of Americans and people around the world who found out they have cancer,” says Van Der Beek, 47, during an interview. “Stage 3 colorectal cancer.”
After the initial shock wore off, he says one of the next steps was telling people he loved.
"Telling people required a lot of energy," he says. "I'm an empath. I like to take care of everybody. I'm a provider, and especially at that point, I was trying to be Superman and be all things to all people and be a dad and a provider. And so to have to tell people and my father and my siblings and my kids, it was really tricky."
He says he tried to present the scary situation as positively as possible.
"I just kind of went into it with the same attitude that this is curable. I can handle this, but this is what's going on," he says of telling loved ones.
The supportive response was overwhelming.
“It was amazing,” he says, tearing up. “I’m never the person who asked for any help — ever. It’s not in my DNA. And I thought that was a fine way to be until cancer. The way friends showed up was such a beautiful experience — and I would never have otherwise seen how much people care about me.”
He publicly shared his diagnosis and on Instagram on Nov. 3, and since then, the love he's received in return has gone global. “When people offer words of support and just tell me they’re thinking about me, it means the world,” he says.
The experience also made him feel better about how he's supported friends in the past.
"Whenever anybody would come to me with a diagnosis or a tragedy, I always felt it was so inadequate to say, well, I'm praying for you. You're in my thoughts and my condolences. How can I support? I always just felt like that wasn't enough," he says.
"But having been in this position, it absolutely is. You're not looking to anybody to solve it for you. You're not looking to anybody to help you bypass the pain because you're going to go through that anyway. But when people offer words of support and just tell me they're thinking about me or tell me they're praying for me, it means the world. It really is enough. So for anybody out there who's feeling inadequate, when they just say, I'm so sorry and they don't have words, that's okay."
He continues, "I really do want to just shout out to my friends who were able to sit with my pain and sit with my discomfort and not immediately try to solve it or rationalize it, but to just accept it and be there with me. And that's been the biggest help."
While Van Der Beek's journey is ongoing, he says he's feeling good, and once he's been "out of the woods for a responsible amount of time, I'll let you know what I think worked."
In the meantime, he has advice for others going through something similar.
“Miracles do happen — and they happen all the time,” he says. “It’s scary at the onset. It’s overwhelming. Go easy on yourself. You got this.”
For now, he’s just feeling so much gratitude for the love around him. “I’ve really been so blessed with my wife and kids,” he says. “I’ve got a lot to live for, and it’s a beautiful life.”
The Quran - Chapter At-Takwir : 01 - 05
When the sun is put out,
and when the stars fall down,
and when the mountains are blown away,
and when pregnant camels are left untended,
and when wild beasts are gathered together,
