Prince Harry has shared more about himself in the past week than he has in the 38 years prior—a seismic shift that has left him feeling that for the first time in his extraordinary life, the world is finally seeing him for who he is, on his terms.
Until now, he writes in his new memoir Spare, out Tuesday, he felt most defined, both publicly and privately, by his role as the "spare" to his brother Prince William, 40, the heir.
"While I know much of my life may seem unrelatable, I do think most siblings can relate to struggling with comparisons, and my brother and I are no exception," he says in this week's exclusive PEOPLE cover story.
Amid days of interviews and intense reaction to his groundbreaking book, the Duke of Sussex opens up further about "the raw account" he offers in his candid book, which explores everything from the death of his mother, Princess Diana, when he was just 12 years old to the loss of his virginity at 17 to his painfully fractured relationship with his father King Charles, 74, and brother William.
As for what he hopes his family's takeaway is from his memoir, he says: "I don't want to tell anyone what to think of it and that includes my family. This book and its truths are in many ways a continuation of my own mental health journey. It's a raw account of my life — the good, the bad and everything in between."
"My hope has been to turn my pain into purpose, so if sharing my experience makes a positive difference in someone's life, well, I can't think of anything more rewarding than that!" he says.
Part of that pain is reliving the devastating loss of his mother in 1997, which he details in PEOPLE's exclusive excerpt from Spare.
"I struggled for years to accept or even speak about my mother's death. I was unable to process that she was gone. I'm not sure anyone can ever truly have closure when they lose a parent, or anyone for that matter, especially when that grief may be the only thing left of them," he tells PEOPLE.
"The healing process has allowed me to get to a place where I now feel the presence of my mum more than ever before. She's with me all the time — my guardian angel."
While his wife Meghan Markle was by his side as they shared details about their courtship and decision to step back from royal life in 2020 in last month's Netflix documentary Harry & Meghan, he's now speaking out solo—and finding himself in the hot seat as a global audience chews over many of the most intimate details of his life.
One of those chapters includes his time in the military, including his grueling training, complicated missions and even the lives taken during his two tours in Afghanistan.
"I don't know that you ever fully reconcile the painful elements of being at war," he tells PEOPLE. "This is something each soldier has to confront, and in the nearly two decades of working alongside service personnel and veterans, I've listened to their stories and have shared mine. In these conversations, we often talk about the parts of our service that haunt us — the lives lost, the lives taken. But also the parts of our service that heal us and the lives we've saved."
"It's a duty, a job, and a service to our country — and having done two tours of duty in Afghanistan for my country, I've done all I could to be the best soldier I was trained to be," he continues. "There's truly no right or wrong way to try and navigate these feelings, but I know from my own healing journey that silence has been the least effective remedy. Expressing and detailing my experience is how I chose to deal with it, in the hopes it would help others."
While settling into life in California alongside Meghan and the couple's children, Archie, 3, and Lilibet, 19 months, he says he is finally free to use his own voice to speak out against the forces—within the royal family, the institution, society at large and the press, he says—that led to his decision to leave his U.K. homeland.
"My relationship with Meghan has opened my eyes to so much I fear I otherwise would have never fully understood," he says.
"To this day, I'm doing important and necessary work to understand and address unconscious bias — it's ever-evolving and requires us to step up and speak out where we can — even when it's our friends, families or loved ones."While settling into life in California alongside Meghan and the couple's children, Archie, 3, and Lilibet, 19 months, he says he is finally free to use his own voice to speak out against the forces—within the royal family, the institution, society at large and the press, he says—that led to his decision to leave his U.K. homeland.
"My relationship with Meghan has opened my eyes to so much I fear I otherwise would have never fully understood," he says.
"To this day, I'm doing important and necessary work to understand and address unconscious bias — it's ever-evolving and requires us to step up and speak out where we can — even when it's our friends, families or loved ones."
As he looks to the future, Harry says he's filled with optimism for what's the come.
"I have a beautiful and blessed life — one that comes with a platform, and with it responsibility that Meghan and I plan to use wisely," he says. "I feel I am exactly where I am meant to be and exactly where we [my family] are meant to be. I don't think I could have written this book otherwise."
