Jessa Duggar Seewald revealed that she suffered a miscarriage over the holidays.
In the nearly 19-minute YouTube video, the 19 Kids and Counting alum, 30, shared the tragic journey of her latest pregnancy, from informing her kids about the new baby to dealing with the aftermath of the news that she had miscarried.
Jessa documented in one scene on camera that she had been concerned early on in the pregnancy because she had been "spotting" blood. She relayed that her family sang the devotional hymn "Day by Day" to cheer her up.
However, upon arriving at her next ultrasound appointment, the doctor broke the terrible news that the baby did not "look good."
"Nothing could have prepared me for the weight of those words in that moment," Jessa said. "At that moment I was just in complete shock. I didn't have words. I just immediately started crying."
She said her husband, Ben Seewald, put his arms around her as the technician left the room to let them "process through the loss."
"We were just sitting there holding hands and crying, like, 'what do we do from here,' " Jessa recalled.
"I feel like in some ways miscarriages can be so jarring because you don't have clear signs of something going wrong," she added. "I had minimal spotting for 24 hours, and that was it."
Due to risks of complications with passing the fetus at home, she said she decided to check in to a hospital to perform a dilation and curettage procedure to remove the fetus from her womb.
Jessa tearfully recalled the moments leading up to the procedure, saying, "I was able to thank God in that moment for giving us this life, even if we wouldn't be able to hold this baby in our arms."
However, she said it was ultimately after the procedure was done that she faced the hardest moments of the entire process.
"Those 10 to 15 minutes before I was taken back to the room where Ben and my mom were waiting were probably some of the hardest in my life, just laying there feeling so alone," she explained, as her voice broke on camera.
In the aftermath, Jessa said she wrestled with herself about how she could have done things differently, but noted that having her children — sons Spurgeon, 7, and Henry, 6; and daughters Ivy, 3, and Fern, 18 months — there to comfort her helped her tremendously.
She ended the video saying that she plans to "take a break" on social media and focus on recovering.
