On the eve of his sophomore album and a worldwide tour, Lewis Capaldi is facing the implications of being a superstar performer — who also has Tourette syndrome.
In an interview with The Times published Saturday, the "Someone You Loved" singer, 26, shared that his health is currently in a precarious place.
"My tic is getting quite bad on stage now," Capaldi told the outlet. "I'm trying to get on top of that. If I can't, I'm f---ed. It's easier when I play guitar, but I hate playing guitar. I know, I'm a walking contradiction."
The Scottish singer-songwriter first shared his diagnosis last year, after noticing his shoulder would frequently twitch. He noted in a September Instagram Live session that "it happens all the time."
"The worst thing about it is when I'm excited I get it, when I'm stressed I get it, when I'm happy I get it. It happens all the time," Capaldi said of the involuntary twitches. "Some days it's more painful than others and some days it's less painful. It looks a lot worse than it is. Sometimes it's quite uncomfortable … but it comes and goes."
Tourette's involves "repetitive movements or unwanted sounds (tics) that can't be easily controlled," according to the Mayo Clinic, and it typically manifests between the ages of 2 and 15, with males being three to four times more likely to develop the neurological disorder.
For Capaldi, dealing with his changing health also comes just before a spate of tour dates and the release of his Netflix documentary How I'm Feeling Now.
In the Times interview, Capaldi also said he's processing something else amid his breakout stardom: a case of imposter syndrome.
"It's only making music that does this to me," he explained. "Otherwise I can be fine for months at a time. So it's a weird situation. Right now, the trade-off is worth it."
Capaldi added, "But if it gets to a point where I'm doing irreparable damage to myself, I'll quit. I hate hyperbole but it is a very real possibility that I will have to pack music in."
In a trailer for the 90-minute film released last month, the musician's rise to fame, the process behind making his forthcoming album Broken by Desire to Be Heavenly Sent and his struggles with mental health and Tourette's are all documented.
Capaldi opened up about his experience making the documentary in a note shared on social media, revealing that he was "extremely hesitant" to take part but now he's "really looking forward to sharing it with the world."
"I think because I seem quite open about a lot of things whether it be in interviews, on stage or social media people assume they know a lot about me and my life but in actual fact I tend to keep a lot of things to myself as a matter of preference," wrote the Grammy nominee.
Capaldi added, "Now that this film, two and a half years in the making, is finally coming out I'd be lying if I said I wasn't wildly nervous."
How I'm Feeling Now debuts Wednesday on Netflix.
