Charity Lawson knows that the process of finding love on The Bachelorette moves pretty quickly.
“I was 100 percent set on an engagement coming into it,” Lawson, 27, tells outlet. “But we know that this is such an expedited process, so it’s like, wait a second. I really am connecting with this person, but if this is someone that I genuinely love, it’s also okay if we leave here in a relationship and also making sense of what would be the best case scenario for the both of us.”
The child and family therapist says she went “back and forth a little bit” on her season about getting engaged.
“Obviously engagement was something that was on the table and something that I thought about, but then I was also like, ‘Okay, well, an engagement isn’t end all, be all,’” she says. “You see me waiver with that.”
Lawson, who competed for Zach Shallcross’s heart on The Bachelor season 27, says her final decision came down to the wire.
“I thought I had a feeling of where things were going to go, but what’s so crazy is in something as wild as this experience, I have learned that anything can change in a matter of a day, hours,” Lawson says. “It was something that I had to really wait out until till the end to be 100 percent certain with myself.”
Lawson also felt fully healed from her breakup with Shallcross, 26, and “ready to go” when her season started.
“I had my intentions on straight and knew what I was wanting,” she says. “I think going through the first time around with Zach, it definitely helped me build my confidence. I got the closure that I felt like I needed and I think that fueled me to wanting to find love more.”
What Lawson wanted in a partner changed throughout her season.
“I wanted to go in this process not really having a type,” she says. “I noticed myself being a lot more flexible on things that if you were to ask me two years ago, ‘Would I do this? Would I move, I don’t know, 700 miles away from where I’m at?’ I would be like, ‘Absolutely not. I’m staying put.’ But now I’m open to that. At the end of the day, I wanted to build a stable foundation with these men and with my relationships with them.”
Lawson says she hoped to find someone with a sense of humor, confidence and ambition. “I want someone who is very driven, wants to provide, give me a sense of stability and security, and also me be able to do the same for him as well,” the reality star says.
She calls cocky guys “a big turnoff.” “I have no interest in someone who can’t be kind to others,” Lawson adds.
When Lawson first met her batch of men on night 1 — which she refers to as “so chaotic” — she wanted to find someone “who made me feel very comfortable” to give her first impression rose. Lawson teases that “there was immediate ease in the conversation” with the man she chose.
“This person definitely gave that ease for me and also added a little bit of humor,” she says. “It really felt like this was someone that was already a friend for me, and that was really important.”
Giving out roses didn’t come as naturally to Lawson. “These are the things no one prepares you for,” she says. “It’s hard knowing that you’re going to have to say goodbye to great people. Knowing that a lot of these guys sacrificed a lot, they came here, they put their lives on a hold, to come and meet me, it means a lot to me. I had to say, okay, you know what, you’re just unfortunately not my person, it was hard. Goodbyes are somewhat difficult for me.”
Lawson had no problem squashing drama as it arose, though.
“I really wanted to not get involved with things that were going on in the house, really wanted the guys to deal with that on their own, but when it got to a point where I was being told about things or things were being brought up, that’s when I was like, all right, enough’s enough,” she says.
One of the teasers for her season shows Lawson taking back a rose from one of the guys.
“I really try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but then at some point it becomes exhausting for me,” Lawson says. “So at that point, to say I can take it back, that is me empowering myself in a moment and reminding myself I actually am in control. I get to say what is allowed and what’s not allowed. When it’s time to confront things, I will do it. Do I like doing it? Not always, but it’s something you might see a lot this season.”
Lawson tried to put herself first throughout the entire process, and that meant not putting any parameters around Fantasy Suites or using the L-word.
“I did not go into Fantasy Suites with any approach,” the Georgia native says. “That time is so important to connect with the people that are there. It’s a pivotal week in transforming relationships either for the better or the worse. There’s no specific game plan, it’s just utilizing time and trying to strengthen and deepen that connection.”
Lawson says she wanted to only tell one man she loved them, but teases that it played out differently than she planned.
“As I got towards the end of all this, I was like, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be,” Lawson says. “I really just went with what I felt because I would be doing myself and also the other person a disservice if I wasn’t being truthful with how I felt. My approach in all of that was to stay true to how I felt and also make sure I was verbalizing that to each person in this journey.”
Her ex actually gave her advice about how to handle being in the spotlight. Shallcross suggested “having a good support system around” her because watching the show back “is going to be a little strange.”
Ultimately, though, Lawson feels proud of how everything played out. “I’m proud of my decisions. I’m proud of how I carried myself,” she says. “Once America or the rest of the world watches this back, hopefully they see that too.”
The Bachelorette season 20 premieres Monday at 9 p.m. ET on ABC.
