When Ryan Reynolds was 22, his father, James Chester Reynolds, a former law enforcement officer, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. Despite this significant development, the topic was scarcely broached within their Vancouver household. "He might have uttered 'Parkinson’s' only three times in my presence—one of which was not directed at me," Reynolds recalls. "There was a profound denial and concealment surrounding it." James passed away in 2015 at the age of 74, having battled the disease for nearly two decades.
Their relationship was fraught with complexities, further strained by Reynolds discovering that his father experienced hallucinations and delusions—less recognized symptoms of Parkinson's—about a decade post-diagnosis. "It severely destabilized our bond because I was unaware of what was truly happening," explains Reynolds, who has collaborated with the educational initiative More to Parkinson’s, which provides support for patients and caregivers.
Now, nearly a decade after his father's death, 47-year-old Ryan, the youngest of four siblings, has become a father himself. He and his spouse, Blake Lively, 36, are raising four children: James, 9, Inez, 7, Betty, 4, and Olin, 1. Ryan shares insights into his understanding of Parkinson’s and the newfound perspective he's gained through parenthood.
Ryan reflects on the trials of his relationship with his father:
"My father was a stoic individual who seldom conveyed his emotions. As a former boxer and police officer, he epitomized ruggedness. I struggle to recall a genuine conversation with him. Though he was present, never missing a football game, he lacked the ability to express a full range of emotions. His inherent pride dominated his actions."
As James's hallucinations and delusions worsened, Ryan's difficulties in their relationship deepened:
"I perceived it as my father losing his grip on reality. He was descending into a chasm where distinguishing between reality and illusion became increasingly difficult. This erosion of his perspective eroded the foundational trust everyone had in him. He spun elaborate conspiracies, claiming various threats against him—claims that starkly diverged from the man I had known."
In the years following his father’s death, Ryan has engaged in deep reflection:
"I continually piece together our past. Initially, I shirked my own culpability, easily attributing our discord to irreconcilable differences. Now, with age, I recognize it as my reluctance to meet him where he was. Perhaps I could have been more present towards the end. Our estrangement is a burden I carry with me."
Nevertheless, there were moments of connection:
"About five months before his death, I wrote him a letter listing his numerous commendable actions—each moment he was there for me. Despite his struggle to express emotions dynamically, I am thankful I sent that letter. It provided me with closure, though I regret not being by his side when he passed."
Ryan's mother, Tammy, bore the brunt of caregiving:
"My mother endured a life of profound isolation while caring for my father. When someone is not in their right mental state, it creates immense hardship for the primary caregiver. My mother was the emotional backbone during that period, though it took a considerable toll on her. Caregiver fatigue is a significant, often overlooked consequence of such conditions. I wish the resources now available had existed then, as they might have offered much-needed hope."
Becoming a parent has given Ryan new insights:
"My healing process has been intertwined with my relationship with my own children, drawing valuable lessons from my father. He embodied unwavering integrity and honesty. Now, I strive to address emotional needs differently. When my children act out or express frustration, I engage with them directly, rather than retreating into silence. In doing so, I inadvertently mend aspects of my past relationship with my father."
The Quran - Chapter At-Taghabun : 17 - 18
If you lend to Allah a good loan, He will multiply it for you and forgive you. For Allah is Most Appreciative, Most Forbearing.
˹He is the˺ Knower of the seen and unseen—the Almighty, All-Wise.
