Megan Thee Stallion is speaking out for the first time since Tory Lanez was found guilty of shooting her, with the goal of changing the narrative that she is a victim instead of a survivor, and offering her support for other women dealing with violence.
The "Sweetest Pie" rapper, 28, wrote a personal essay for ELLE's May 2023 issue that covered her emotional journey, starting when Lanez shot her in 2020 and ending in the present, when she's had time to heal and process his December conviction.
"I don't want to call myself a victim. As I reflect on the past three years, I view myself as a survivor, because I have truly survived the unimaginable," she wrote. "Not only did I survive being shot by someone I trusted and considered a close friend, but I overcame the public humiliation of having my name and reputation dragged through the mud by that individual for the world to see."
Megan (born Megan Pete) wrote that as a child, her parents warned her to never be too trusting of others, but that she never fully grasped the concept, and went through life believing that "everyone came with pure intentions and wanted to be my friend."
The star said her intention was to handle the "situation privately," but when Lanez made things public, she had no choice. She said that while she was performing onstage and posting to social media with a smile, her happiness was just for show as she battled with the aftershocks of the shooting.
"The truth is that I started falling into a depression. I didn't feel like making music," she wrote. "I was in such a low place that I didn't even know what I wanted to rap about. I wondered if people cared anymore. There would be times that I'd literally be backstage or in my hotel, crying my eyes out, and then I'd have to pull Megan Pete together and be Megan Thee Stallion."
Megan previously opened up about the ways in which she struggled behind the scenes when she took the stand on the second day of Lanez's trial to deliver an emotional testimony. She did not speak out after he was convicted, but wrote in ELLE that she saw the conviction as a win.
"It was more than just vindication for me, it was a victory for every woman who has ever been shamed, dismissed, and blamed for a violent crime committed against them," she wrote of Lanez being found guilty.
Still, the rapper said she felt as though things like her height, her strength and other preconceived stigmas were working against her, and led people to believe she couldn't possibly be a victim and did not need "support or protection." She wrote that based on her own experiences, she understands "why a lot of women don't come forward," and that she felt as though any support she received was overshadowed by those that doubted and criticized her.
In the months since the verdict was handed down, Megan has been taking time to herself, stepping away from social media and spending time with her dogs, her manager and her faith in order to heal.
"I'm in a happier place, but I still have anxiety. Talking about being shot still makes me emotional," she wrote, adding that she's started journaling as a way to process her thoughts. "I've accepted this chapter of my life as part of my journey, but I will not allow it to define my journey. I've been dragged through the mud, but I'm so happy that I'm able to finally come out of it with a new perspective."
Megan wrote that her new perspective has pushed her to establish "better boundaries with the people" that she lets into her life, and that she's learned how to say "no" in order to "protect my peace."
"I'm putting myself first now because I know what I like, I know what I don't like, I know what I'm not going to tolerate, and I know what I can endure because I've been battle-tested for so long," she said. "I'm ready to show everybody that all the dirt they threw at me didn't stick."
The Grammy winner also wrote that while she understands "the public intrigue" surrounding the shooting, the essay will be the last time she ever addresses the case in the press.
"I understand the public intrigue, but for the sake of my mental health, I don't plan to keep reliving the most traumatic experience of my life over and over again," she wrote. "I'm choosing to change the narrative because I'm more than just my trauma."
Megan wrote that in leaving the past behind, she's ushering in the "rebirth of a happier and healthier" version of herself, one who will continue to be a survivor. She also wrote that she is "excited to get back into music, because I have been so transformed."
She concluded with a message of gratitude to her fan base, as well as a plea to society to "create safer environments for women to come forward about violent behavior without fear of retaliation."
"We must provide stronger resources for women to recover from these tragedies physically and emotionally, without fear of judgment," she wrote. "We must do more than say her name. We must protect all women who have survived the unimaginable."
Lanez was found guilty in December of assault with a semiautomatic firearm, carrying a loaded, unregistered firearm in a vehicle and discharging a firearm with gross negligence. He appealed his conviction in March, and his sentencing has been delayed multiple times as his lawyers push for a new trial. He is currently set to be sentenced on May 8.
